Gravida noun, plural
status regarding pregnancy
Gravid adjective
2. full of meaning or a specified quality.
from Latin gravidus, from gravis heavy
In the winter of 2021, after witnessing a dear friend’s harrowing battle with hyperemisis — severe nausea + vomiting from pregnancy — I started looking at the world of maternity portraits and wondering. . . Do pregnant people feel seen by these? So I started asking them, for you, how does it feel to be pregnant?
And they answered.
And then, with their answers and stories in mind, I photographed them. Always in the last few weeks of their pregnancy, when the weight and expectation was at its greatest. Always at, or near, their homes, in the southern Appalachian mountains.
“I wake up screaming from nightmares of my children drowning. I fall off the bed to escape arms reaching out to consume me. I wake up at the sound of a floor board creaking across the house. I cry when my daughter coughs. I rage when my family creates a cacophony of loud noises, like I can’t bear to contain or experience anymore life than I already am.
Filled with the promise of life. Filled with the promise of death. My third time experiencing pregnancy and motherhood and still there are layers upon layers of myself being stripped away.
Pregnancy is so normal. Pregnancy is impossible.
Pregnancy is breathtaking. Pregnancy is revolting.
Pregnancy is the highest honor. Pregnancy is shameful.
Pregnancy is loss upon loss. Pregnancy is the world inside of me.”
~ Maggie
“I grew up with a big, supportive family and I never imagined going through a pregnancy (especially my first) without my family.”
~ Viridiana
“It’s survival mode. . either work, make food, entertain a 14 month old, or sleep.”
~ Kari
“I have, for the most part, loved being pregnant, which is one of the main reasons why I decided to become a surrogate after carrying two kiddos of my own. I don't love pregnancy because it's been easy, although I have been fortunate to have pretty smooth pregnancies for the most part (which I understand is not the case for many pregnant folks) but I think I love pregnancy because of the rawness that I experience when growing life. I have never felt simultaneously so vulnerable and powerful in my life, except perhaps after giving birth. The complexity of growing life makes me feel more alive and feeling another human being growing inside of me has made me in awe of my body in a way I've never experienced before.
As a surrogate, one of the most profound experiences of my journey was witnessing how my children (4) and (6) responded to the pregnancy. Their ability to easily grasp that families are made in different ways and are made up of different constellations is inspiring. They were able to comprehend this process in ways that some adults could not and embrace the pregnancy and the little human growing inside unconditionally. I think through witnessing them, I allowed myself to open up and love this little being knowing they wouldn't be a part of my family in the traditional sense once they were born - which allowed me to really learn the lesson of loving and letting go.
And that's why I love pregnancy so much - because it has brought me to depths I've never experienced before - not because it was easy or uncomplicated, but because it was life-altering, raw, complicated, and profound."
~ Kelly
“Pregnancy, for me, is being in a state of awe of what my body is capable of.”
~ Evelyn
“Sweet, surreal, vulnerable, exciting, empowering, sometimes terrifying, uncomfortable, and bittersweet (I lost my first child in the womb at 28 weeks last February).”
~ Lindsey
“Being pregnant feels like a punishment. I've been throwing up six times a day for nine months. When the fetus inside me moves, it hurts. It's a condition called Painful Fetal Movement. There's something intensely vulnerable about being pregnant, especially this pregnant. And now it's political - well, it's always been political, but now it's risen to the surface. This is forced upon people- children, even. When I take a shower I don't look down because my body looks disgusting and I can't help but think of all the people who are forced to endure this against their will. I want this baby, but I hate this pregnancy. I hate it, and it's painful, so painful it could sever you in two. And I suppose, that's what it does in the end.”
~ Melina
“time does not exist”
i wrote on a post-it note and put it on the oven
where the clock had stopped at the wrong place
at the wrong time.
“time loving each other is the only time that matters”
he replied the next morning while I slept,
and the two papers stayed there getting oily
when the power came back but the water didn’t.
we measure moments in bottles and buckets
and days in inches and feet
and weeks in people and objects found again or lost. 119 now.
but they are still looking everywhere else. . .
what do I need?
a sense of normalcy, safety, to turn the lights on
when I think someone might be there or not be;
quiet, from chainsaws and sirens and helicopters;
to wash my hair, to flush the toilet and watch the water go down;
to know we will be okay again soon;
to hug someone without crying;
to watch television, to scroll without seeing devastation;
to sit down and stretch for a moment without feeling guilty;
to exhale.
~ Emma (from her poem, Helene)
“Psychologically confronting, physically sensational, a cultivation of resilience, a daily experience of that zen proverb — let go or be dragged.”
~ Margaret
“Pregnancy feels like an act of radical hope. I imagine the world through the eyes of my future child while becoming acutely and painfully attuned to its potential dangers. I feel both profound solitude in the sleepless nights and a deep connection with those who are pregnant or have been pregnant before me.”
~ Raphaela
“It's been a complex and rich experience. . we used Maggie's egg and created an embryo which I am carrying so there has been some processing around that. I've definitely said and felt "we are pregnant" more than "my pregnancy" because that just feels true. And at the same time it's been important for me, and for us, to recognize that I'm the one physically pregnant, and going through a lot of changes.”
~ Jennifer
“I feel vulnerable, but at the same time beautiful in a really raw way. But it's hard to get to that point. I've put a lot on how I look through the years (battles with acne, battles with eating disorders, battles on not feeling good enough physically), so this forces me to sit with how I am in this moment, to focus less on how I look, and instead focus on acceptance of myself.”
~ Sarah
“Pregnancy is a full body takeover. The most primal, wise experience I'll ever know, yet I still find myself fighting it every step of the way. The deep duality of pregnancy is ever present for me. On the one hand, I feel more powerful and capable than anytime in my life. I admire the curves and strength of my own body in ways that are foreign to me. I feel confident in my womanhood. On the other hand, I hurt. I hurt physically from the weight of a new human life bending and curving my body to make room for its own. I hurt emotionally from the demands of society to be "with it". I am in no state to be with it. Pregnancy is not a head state but a full body heart state.”
~ Charlotte
“Infertility had become such a large aspect of my life. I would catch myself feeling triggered by pregnancy posts, because for so long they caused us so much jealousy and pain. . . once the nausea, fatigue and body changes started my mood took a deep dive. I started experiencing grief for my independence and grief for my body and lifestyle. I started questioning whether or not I was selfless enough for motherhood. It was a really dark time.”
~ Caroline
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